Went KTV today with some frenz, well it was pretty fun and at least i sing decently even when i'm down with flu. It was quite a gathering, people coming together to sing and chat. One word, ENJOYABLE.

Despite being in the company of so many people, felt very emo today. Partially was due to my flu, felt so lethargic today, had to force some enthusiasm when singing. Was reminded of my sis when i sing this particular song, as we had once sing this song together at ktv before. How i miss her. On the way back, tons and tons of memories keep flowing back.

Sometimes i really wish i can blame someone for her death
Maybe him, just blame him, just maybe it will make it less painful
But i know she love him tremendously, in fact even more than everything else in the world
Sometime i wish i am not so damn practical
It was me who convince my family to forgive him
Forgive him bcoz my sis would not wish to see us hate each other
Sometime i dun even know whether i did the right thing
What if one day he fell in love with another gal?
Sometimes i wonder how i will react
I believe i will hate him if he do like another gal

Everyday i will reprimand myself for not showing enough concern for her
Hate myself for not being there for her
Hate myself for not knowing her better
Sometime i will even hate her for throwing her life away
For making the whole family miserable
Sometime i will simply smile thinking back the wonderful time we had together

Keep remembering my last look of her
Lifeless and cold body
All the bruise around her body
Without makeup
I could not do anything but stand there crying and crying
Nobody could stop crying
Nobody could

The next day, me and my 2nd sis read to her letters left by her students
I am damn proud of her, all her student loves her so
That they even came to give her their last respect
It was the most exhausting 3 days of my life
I am so afraid to lose anybody in my family
Just hope that i don't have to go through any of it anymore

Felt better after pouring out my pent up feelings
I am so going to treasure everybody around me
Am so going to treasure each and every single day, even if it is attachment
Sometime i wish for a large teddy bear, for me to hug and cry on
Well just want to tell people that i know I LOVE YA.